Thursday, April 27, 2006

Tension in da house

Yes we have tension..friction..irritation..happening here. It all started Sunday night. I won't say what since its personal in a big way but its just enough to cause a teensy bit of snark that rears its head waaaaay too fast at anything.
Now I can't sleep properly at night...cooincidence? I think not. On top of that and creating more tension:
My plans for Friday are buggered up thanks to someone "forgetting" our agreement for him to pick up the boys from Service De Garde before 6 pm on my class day (once every 2 weeks). The traffic is very very bad in the afternoon from Scarlet's and to make it to pick up the boys before 6 , I must leave her place by 4 at the latest. This so totally sucks. I do not like haveing my plans so totally disregardede in this fashion. i know he just "forgot" but still, he was reminded and it makes me feel unimportant that he can't remember our agreement. I am trying not to feel petty about this...it is his jOB after all..not going out with the guys...grrrrrrrr. deep breathing...
PLUS I such super cool plans for that evening too! I was going to the movies with Sam the Elf(to see Kinky BOots), a fellow volunteer from the MPRC. We have a big gap in age but get along really well and have fun together. Its her last Friday night before going home for summer break and would have been very fun. He has suggested getting our teen babysitter to pick them up but she's not authorised and can't cook the boys supper...Richard suggested letting them order pizza...he will be home around 7 pm.. Maybe if I give written permission today they will let her get the boys....
See? I get so pissed off that I cut my nose off to spite my face and make things worse. I am not being fair..I realise this deep inside...deep breathing...let go of anger... I also need Isabelle for Saturday night since we are supposed to go to richard's coworker friends place for supper... do I want to go? Not really, but he committed us to the supper. The petty side wants to "forget " to book the sitter since I know he hasn't done it.. GODS I am such a bitch!!!!!!!! ugh
banishing nasty thoughts banishing nasty thoughts
This is sooo not healthy. More tension last night when he was supposed to be "helping" Ben with homeork and ended up losing his temper with him. Guys, when you lose it, its scary. You are a gigantic loud person and the child is small and defenceless no matter how big a pain in the ass.
Mama Bear reared her head and ordered him out of the room and took over, soothing the tears and helping with the small bit of homework. To be fair, I lose my temper with Ben too over homework. He gets so whiny and just won't/can't try. This was what the problem was and R just did not have any patience with it at the best of times, and lately his stress levels have been troubling him. So, Why can't I cut R the slack? Because men in a temper are SCARY and it doesn't help the problem involved but makes it worse. I am proud that I came up with a solution to Ben's being overwhelmed with choices, but upset that it came down to angry words (R at B..Me at R). Richard spent the remainder of the evening in the family room downstairs. I went to bed after putting the boys to bed. Trouble sleeping..cooincidence? Ended up on the couce for the 3rd time this week so that I wouldn't keep Richard awake with my tossing and turning.
We finished the reading aloud of Harry Potter And The Half Blood Prince last night. I can't wait to start something new tonight. Captain Under Pants perhaps? After those maybe we will go to Chapters and get something new and exciting and entertaining. And not quite so looong in chapter length.
I feel a bit better now having vented...I've been feeling a bit lonely because of all this and was wondering if my meds had stopped being effective or something because I have been depressed the last few days but now feel better able to make things better. Thank you Blog.

1 comment:

Aurora said...

Poor you with all that tension! I hate when boys lose it. It really bothers me, although i have to admit its not easy to keep your cool when little people are driving you up the wall. Have you tried talking things out before you go to bed? One of my rules is to never go to bed feeling icky, or unsettled. Then again, i am super blunt with what is going through my head. Lots of strength and love heading your way!!!