Monday, March 31, 2008

I lost the sock monkey doll instructions...

.....but have refound them!!! There is NO WAY I was gonna pay for instructions so imagine my joy when I found them for free! Again!
I'm a big fan of the CLASSIC red lipped monkey. You need red heeled work socks for it (not a fan of the embroidered lips found these days), But there are many variations on the theme nowadays( Mr T sock monkey with mohawk and piercings??). I would imagine construction is very similar if not pretty much the same. Also check out the sock elephant.

I don't know how this escaped my notice but thanks to Yarn Harlots success with it, I have now printed off the Sock Monkey Hat pattern from Knitty.
If my crafting back log continues in this fashion I may have to hire elves.

Because he insists....

Because I posted the OTHER picture of me in the Prairie Dog habitat acting all normal, HM insisted y'all see what I am really like when in a Prairie Dog habitat.
For some reason, other people found this pee your pants funny.

Have you ever...?

(I am going to discuss the prduct in the middle of this picture..not the spray or pads)
Have you ever seen something on TV advertised as the best ever product for whatever And totally said "I needs me some o'that!!!!".
Yeah me too. Only when I get whatever it is it usually sucks or at least isn't quite as fantabulous as the advertisement stated.
Well, I am here to say not all commercials lie. I saw an ad for this new Orange Glo wood floor product that cleans and protects and makes the floor shine again and thought of my PATHETIC 30 yr old parquet floor that needs refinishing BADLY and thought that "I needs me some!!!!!". We both actually said..."Ooooh check THAT out!". I found it at the grocery store and brought it back to Canada.
Some back story: This floor was covered in wall to wall when we bought the house and last year HM started removing the carpet. Light beige carpet is just NOT feasible with this family. The damage on the floor was obvious...some cigarette burns...deep wear..dullness. They had covered it rather than replace or refinish and I can understand that. So we have been trying to gently clean the floor when I break down and clean it. While I was away last suimmer SOMEONE thought he could do a better job than I at gently cleaning a wood floor and bought wood floor product from Pledge (coughcrapcough). This "wonder product" actually made cloudy white patches on the floor. It made my frikking floor look WORSE than ever. And would that cloudy white film go away with washing and wear? NO!!! rakkafrakkinsakkarassin.......
So with great hope and a HEFTY does of pessimissim I bought ONE bottle of this Orange Glo wood floor cleaner/protector/crack.
Yesterday HM though HE'D try it. Yeah right like I'm letting him ruin the floor more than he has.
After he vacuumed and I told him he wasn't allowed to use the new floor product, I vacuumed again while moving furniture to one end of the room. Than I mopped the floor with vinegar and water. Then I let ir dry. THEN I started with the Orange Glo, my Vileda fake Swiffer Wet Jet and a damp microfiber cloth in place of a microfiber cleaning pad because I couldn't find that. I squirted some OG on the floor and mopped it around with the grain as best I could (its parquet...the grain goes everyway!!). Looked great wet of course so I waited.
It still looked ok when dry. The white cloudyness was gone. So I did it again! (if once is good twice must be better riiiiiggghhht?). It still looked pretty good. So where the cloudiness had been worst and on the high traffic area, i reapplied a third time, let it all dry again and moved the furniture back.
Today it still looks great. The shine is better than we have ever seen it especially where the wear and tear is least. the very worn places of course are still just that but that dulling white film/cloudiness that just made it all so dingy is GONE and the floor looks great for what it is.
Next time I go to the US I am bring back a frikkin' CASE of this stuff!

Orange Glo I hereby dub thee FLOOR CRACK!!!!!

Sunday, March 30, 2008


Got my shop on a wee bit..bonded with prairie dogs..the boys rode a bronze rhino..and we had some warm beach time.

Photographic Evidence of Spring in Virginia

Actually, one of these is from Pa or NY...the overcast day one. Whoopsy!

Friday, March 28, 2008


Link to your tagger and post these 3 rules on your blog.

Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.

Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.

Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.


My 7 :

1) When I was little my mother said that my freshly washed and brushed hair was the colour of a new penny.
2) I have a tendency to encourage people to do or try things. I believe in their capabilities. Need a cheerleader? Anyone? Anyone?
3) Through experience I have learned to get nervous or stop all plans at the words "How hard can it be?"
4) I have done nothing with my University degree.
5) I have never had a real "career".
6) I love kittens.
7) My expectations usually exceed my skills in meeting them. Frustration and failure are my bestest friends.

I am return-ed

We got back on Wednesday night and boy were we exausted. Its a longer drive than SOMEONE let on. 12 hours my ass.
The snow began getting less and less even as we crossed the border into NY on that rainy rainy Wednesday last week. By Worcester I think there was none. As we got into Maryland and DC there were FLOWERS!!!!! Daffodils by the many on roadsides and medians. Flowering trees of some sort! Needless to say I was thrilled.
Virginia Beach was a cozy 19 when we arrived and we rolled down the car windows to breathe in the salty tanged air. Saucer Magnolias, forsythias, Eastern redbuds, white flowered trees of some sort....all were blooming as well as something with bright red and/or pink flowers depending on the bush. Daffs, Tulips, pansies abounded. What a great way to have the first days of spring...with actual SPRING!!
Saturday we were on the beach in swim gear because it was a balmy 21 and thats warm enough for us to soak up some sun. No swimming was done because the water is still pretty chilly. The sun felt so good on our skins as we played in the sand and fly a kite. Then the wind shifted and the temperature dropped significantly so it was sweaters ot jackets for much of the rest of our stay. It still beats snow gear.
I only hit one yarn shop while away, we were SO busy!! Ewe Knit Kits and Yarn in Va Beach had a great selection of wools, acrylics, and cottons as well as blends and kits for projects. They were very friendly there, staff and customers. I bought a sock yarn I'd not seen before and it was nice and cushy and $6 something for a small skein (one sock per skein if adult sized). It was Plymouth Yarn's Happy feet and I quite like it. The colors are nice and the price is also nice. I got Universal Yarn's Ditto sock yarn too( $6 a skein). I saw the Darned Pretty needles. 5 inch DPNs ran about $30 bucks a set!!!! WTF!!!?? Thats a crazy assed price and needless to say I did NOT buy any.
The busy-ness we had : Virginia Aquarium, Zoo, Nauticus, Nasa science center, the beach, walking the trails the Back Bay wildlife/nature refuge park, watching big screen TV and drinking coffee in the mornings, shooting pool, playing foosball(I suck), drinking beer...... You get the idea. The boys loved their room because they had their own TV (with Cartoon Network and Nickolodeon),and a Nintenda 64...LOL. Ben is quite good at pool now compared to when we arrived.
I got a call Saturday Morning on my cell phone. My nephew Trent and his wife of two years Vicky had their first baby Friday night/saturday morning! Carl Cullen, 7 pounds, 7 1/2 ounces and with auburn/strawberry blonde hair. The pictures are adorable. I am almost finished the bootees. The first one is sewn up kinda crappy but the second is better. I am on the first little sock cuff (10 rows to go) and will finish the second by Monday and get them in the mail with his wee little Virginia shirts...LOL That bootee pattern is genius. Go buy one as soon as she has more on Etsy. i wanna make him a couple more pair in other yarns and sizes and also some wee little sockses. the Baby Surprise Jacket is just annoying me so it will get ripped and a regular sweater made...maybe a raglan cardigan or something.
I got the book Last Minute Knitted Gifts while away. Chapters never has it when I look so I snagged it when I was browsing at Barnes and Noble. What an excellent book for gift knitting ideas. I made hand warmers for my mom for Christmas
from a pattern in this book.
Speaking of books...I am missing my EZ Knitting Without Tears. Kadi gave it back on pub night and now I can't find it. Dang it.
I will post pics as soon as I can. we have several.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Down by 2

I lost two pounds...count 'em..1,2..2 pounds!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
That makes 5 altogether....wooooohoooooooooooo. I so happy I so happy I so happy..yay yay yay.
Results are nice. I like results. Results are GOOOOOD.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Travel Plans

I thought i understood our travel plans...leave Thursday, sleep in harrisburg, get to Va Beach on Friday. NOPE. We actually leave here on WEDNESDAY. I have one less day to find the boys birth certificates and do the laundry. Plus I miss Wednesday night in NDG.
Since the sweater is DONE I am making "Moc-A-Soc"s for the great nephew due soon. Mine don't look as beautiful as the pattern picture but they are still pretty frakking cute. And sooo tiiiiny. I will make more than one pair in various yarns and in the two different sizes..possibly. Thats the plan and I have plenty of yarn but the monogamy may kill me. Also, my car knitting, I have sort of decided, maybe the BSJ, pictured above. The Baby Surprise jacket is a genius little knit that is knit in one kkokie piece, folded and then seamed. Whats starts out as a weird bit of knitting magicaly becomes a wee sweater jacket. Thats the "surprise". Obviously I will not be knitting it in pink.
If i am not knitting the BSJ I will knit socks. or both. Never hurts to have options.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

In Other Pictures...

~ See those branches with the Christmas lights on them? Thats the top of my lilac standard sticking out of the snow next to the steps. Its usually about 5 feet above the ground at the bottom branches and tose tips are usually about 7-8 feet up.
~ Digging out after Last weekend's storm. UGH!!!
~ See those sticks poking out of the snow? That my frikkin' hedge which is about 7 feet tall. Not exactly private OR secure now. And the 3 foot high fence between the house and the pool? Covered.
~ And then we have Blossom doing her snow dance on her back. She loves to wiggle and wriggle on her back in the snow like a canine break dancer to her inner "I luv snow I luv snow I love snow" beats. Stoopid dog.

The NeverEnding Sweater Of Dooooooooommm


Wednesday, March 12, 2008

One of THOSE days

I bought frozen cranberries today because i want to make homemade granola with dried cranberries. the Craisins are so loaded with sugar coating that I wanted to make my own in an attempt to reduce the sugar and oil used in making dried cranberries. I KNOW I had the instructions and would bet my stash that it was in Ricardo magazine (Canada's ONLY cooking/food magazine by the way and its awesome)nad now I cannot find it.
How pissed am I that I have 6 dollars worth of cranberries thawing on the counter and I can't remember what to do after they are thawed? I distictly remember the "AHA! So thats how its done!" moment of reading how to dry the cranberries in Ricardo but what issue and where the frak is it??? Was sure it was the Holiday issue I have on the shelf but i can't spot it. 10$ says i threw the issue I need in the recycling in a fit of house cleaning. Sounds like something I would do.
I have dried fresh cranberries before and lets just say we won't be doin' that again. They turn to little juice balloons..dry skin and full of liquid. Have to be sliced up. The freezing takes care of that however some how.
I could just scream with my frustration.

Other than that its a very mild temperature day with some roof melt happening by the sounds of the dripping eavestrough. Thank GODS because after the snow on the weekend its getting quite hard to get around. When I back out of my driveway, I am always hoping that noone is coming because I have 0 visability thanks to the snow banks. Also, I have to cut my wheels very sharp because I back into the snow bank across the street trying to get my front end out of the drive...LOL Thats what I get for having a station wagon. Tonight is Laval Knits night. I hope someone shows up because I have a sitter coming.
8 sleeps to Virginia Beach trip. Yes I AM counting down thank you very much. Get me the F$%^ outta here.

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Rhine-beck, baby..doodoodiddydoodoodoodoo

(Above sung to the tune of Ice Ice Baby)

"I will be waiting for you at Rhinebeck, my stick wielding darlings....."

I am GOING TO RHINEBECK 2008!!!!!! Wooohoooo.....
My room is booked for two nights at the Holiday Inn (there are two double beds if any of my knit girls wants to bunk and share out the cost) and my spending money Toony fund has started. I have until October 16th to save moolah in my piggy bank and exchange it for American dollars. I am at $40 from what was in there already. Mwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaa.
I am so f&cking excited I cannot stand it...
My car seats 4 comfortably...5 squisheder(including me the driver). Its a Volvo station wagon so there is room for overnight bags and reasonable yarn haul and I have a plug in cooler for drinks and snacks for the drive although there is a food thing about crossing the border so maybe we have to fill up across the border. I have mentioned it to 3 friends so far but life being what it is things are up in the air for them. I hope they can do it.
Anyways....I will be counting down the days to my first NY Sheep and Wool festival.
Not literally because that would require math or counting..

Thursday, March 06, 2008


Climbing rose "Golden Showers"...tee hee golden showers...hee hee
I did get out last night and while tracking down a parking spot in snowy NDG and then getting thoroughly STUCK in a snowy parking spot and needing help getting out of said stuckness, I was regretting ever leaving my cozy home. I was so blessed by a wonderful taxi driver coming to my aid. Y'all, there are still good samaritans out there and lets give them all a hand because I was NEVER getting outta that spot alone. He dug and pushed and advised and through it all was very sweet and friendly and and didn't come right out and call me a dumbass ( although it may have been inferred). Because of him I was able to continue my parking spot search, actually park, and join my bitches at Ye Olde Orchard Pub and Grill on Monkland Ave.
Holy delicious hamburgers, Batman. My burger (saved my calories up all day)KICKED ASS. A delicious 6 ounce burger topped with cheese, chopped jalapeno peppers (fresh baby), tomato, dill pickle slice, bacon, and fresh onion on a really nice kaiser type roll. I only put mustard on to save calories and had a salad on the side instead of the fantastico fries they serve there( I stole one of Kadi's). This with my double vodka soda and lime in a tall glass was just what my battered spirit needed. So I had another (double vodka soda). Then it was Perrier the rest of the night. Kadi had the most amazing dessert..a chocolate brownie cake with caramel. Rich and delicious ( I had a taste). Good food, a touch of alcohol, and my gals with pointy stix (about 20 of us). It was awesome.
Of course some of us stayed later than others..ahem. It was 12:23 when i started my car.
On my way home my car started to do this shimmy about 70 or 80 clicks it started. Going slow seemed ok. I pulled over when I could and took a look, no flat. Continued to Laval when I went through a car wash incase of Ice build up causing it. Still there but maybe not as violent. I told HM about it this morning so it can be dealt with, if there is anything to deal with. He and the boys are heading north next weekend to visit his brother so the "travel" car needs to be declared road worthy before we have our trip the week after that.
When I GOT home, the driveway was bocked thanks to the plow being by again after I'd left home. So at 1 am or so I was SHOVELLING my way into my driveway. ARGH! HM woke this morning teasing me about staying out so late and calling me a party girl and chuckling...then I told him about having to shovel to get in and he absolutely roared with laughter! Yup I am one wild woman staying out until one thirty to shovel a driveway. Which was blocked again this morning.
And we are forecast to get up to 30 more centimeters of snow on Saturday.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

I can't see you snow...or hear you...lalalalalalalalaa

Yesterday I got my Richter's Herb catalogue. When did they start carrying roses? (cue music: " I beg your pardon..I never promised you a rose garden")
I've got this rose bug since moving to this house. Something just makes me keep planting roses, which I had NEVER had any bloody luck with. I am glad I have though because this spot is great for (most of)the roses so far. I think its the S-word cover all winter that does iT.
Now, for ME a rose has got to smell to be worth my time. Plus it needs to be pretty (some just aren't, to me). The modern tea roses and hybrids don't always have a fragrance despite their gorgessity.
In the Richters catalogue they have old classics available, like the Kazanlik rose from Bulgaria. Its used to make the famous Attar Of Roses. I used to have one.(see above statement about me and my rose killing genius) Maybe its time for another?
The one I am most struck by is the Mme. Hardy. Its white and double and very fragrant. The fragrance is said to have a "hint of lemon" to it. I am very fond of the fruitier scented roses than the heavier fragranced ones, so I am very very tempted. Even though its white.
I am also taken with the form and colour of La Reine Victoria. Its plusses are that its got colour and its a continuous bloomer, meaning it gets more than one big rush of blooms in late JUne, rather it has some flowers most of the season.
I think I need both.
What thinkest you, oh dear ones?


We have a snow day today! This means I got to go back to bed and snooze between interuptions of "Can I have this...Can I do That...?" But snooze I did until the phone rang with a wrong number at 10:30. Then I figured I should get up and have some coffee.
Its still ass outside. I am worrying that I won't get out for the Montreal Knits pub night at Ye Olde Orchard Pub. I was really looking forward to it. I had my new books to show Janet and wanted to get caught up on everyones doings and see how big Robyn's baby belly has gotten in the last couple weeks.

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Stupid Tuesday with its stupid dayness...

This is the attitude in this house since about 7:20 this least when ther are folk other than me home. Cameron is having a VERY BAD day apparently. Maybe someone should write a book about HIM not that other no good very bad day kid. Nothing soothes and nothing satisfies..he's pissed at the world and want everyone else pissed too. Been there done that bought the t shirt and have since worn it to rags. I sympathise, I really do. but anyone who knows me also knows that my "nice" limit can be reached fairly quickly and then the harpy comes back out...
Lets think spring shall we?
Aaaahhh...its only 16 days until the Vernal Equinox and then it is SPRING!! Yay! I am going to plant Montreal Melons this year because a very dear acquaintanmce has seed and she has said that she will mail me some. For more fascinating info on these melons go here: Also can read some about it here:
I have long been hooked on heritage varieties of veg and fruit and animals so this is right up my alley for an experiment in back yard growing and seed saving. Thank you, dearest Debra.
The garden bug is nipping pretty hard this year. Last year it barely nipped at all which was good because I was away all summer. I planted but only a bit and someone let things get pretty dried out while I was gone. We won't discuss the weed situation.
So, I said I wanted 2 Cercis canadiensis (Eastern redbud) for my front yard because the flower early, will eventually provide a smidgen of shade, and will create a further screen from the street. I am thinking I need to get out my graph paper and start doodling garden design plans for uniting all the various plantings. There are 3 bridal wreath spireas planted closer to the street. they live but have not taken off like I hoped.....the redbuds (please all nature's powers that be, to let me get two) would in theory be planted back into the yard about 5 feet behind and between the spireas...whats that called again? There is a name for it but I just call it staggering. Equadistant? No..thats not it...
I am thinking that after planting the ttrees, I will then lay out my winding path through the yard/garden, and then make all else a garden. It will unite the beds and the job will be accomplished more or less.
Another flower I want to plant is Four O'clocks..the marvel of Peru! I had some seeds and I threw them into the garden in the fall so that it would be as if some plnts had self sown. Hopefully they survive and grow and I can move them to other parts.
Baptisia needs moving. Maybe splitting as well. Also that stupid rose i hate that I bought last year by mistake. Also the highbush cranberry, now that it is actually growing for two seasons needs moving too.
My back hurts just thinking about it.

Monday, March 03, 2008

Books...I has NEW ONES!!!!

Monday...a day of rest

This morning we walked in freezing rain for 40 minutes, with the boys to school and then continuing on in the "loop" to home. Monday is the day the boys have an English activity at school (reading club)during lunch, at least for the next couple of weeks, and after having them around for a week of break, I needed the quiet. After the walk I returned to jammydom and hopped back into bed. Afternoon saw me sipping coffee at the computer and chatting on the phone. Showered, I walked to the grocery store for a couple of things that multiplied into heaviness for the walk back. Now my guys are home and the peace an quiet is done but thats ok.
Now for the less stellar news. I bought a new scale, a nice accurate digital and it put the 3 pounds back on. We figure it means the old cheapo scale was off by 3 pounds so my original 207 was 210 but that we still lost 3 pounds each.
Then I weighed in after my shower this afternoon and instead of 207 it said 205. Yeah baby! I love when weight fluctuates in the downward direction. I know its only a daily fluctuation...just don't burst my bubble ok?
I gotta stay off that scale incase I bloat and it goes up.
Tonight for supper we will have spaghetti. I'm hankering for some pasta. Oh and last nights supper was yummy. Here is the address for the recipe:
Other goodish news is my leg is feeling a bit better and I am taking less ibuprofen the last couple of days. It was bothering me Friday but Saturday and Sunday and today its been a tad better, not perfect, but good enough to go out walking thank goodness. Yesterday was GORGEOUS and we took the kids sledding at the bump ( little hill in a near by playing field) and todays mild temperatures made walking really nice (except for the freezing rain this morning). Maybe....just maybe...Spring will spring on time?? Please??
Garden has become a mild obsession as it is won't to do each spring. I want two eastern redbuds (pictured above)for the front yard. I could do it cheap and get a couple of twigs by mail order but would rather get a couple of half decently sized ones at a nursery.
Also in the running for flowers are Asclepias, Rudbeckia, maybe a butterfly bush or two, poppies other than the light orange ones that are currently taking over the would be nice, and some new lavender plants would be great in the hot dry front yard.

Sunday, March 02, 2008


Valcartier pictures: On the stairs of The Everest (thats not stark terror on my face...thats what BRAVERY looks like), and rafting, and whats fun in the snow without a bec a sucre? (a sugar kiss...maple syrup boiled to the taffy point, poured on snow and rolled up with a stick). $2 a piece and I could make it at home, but would it taste as sweet? LOL


The snow banks at Grandpapa's house are VERY tall. Don't whine at me because you got 3 inches on top of the BARE ground. We has REAL winter here, MOM. LOL
The guys skiing at Mont Ste-Anne, and Ben at Valcartier.

Holy shit!

We weighed in today..and even though I snuck onto the scale before today and there was no positive...or would it be negative?...needle movement(it even went up), today the scale says we both lost 3 pounds. HOLY MOLEY!
SO: 14 days ago today I weighed in at 207. Started EatingWell on that wednesday. Had some falling downs while away. Ten days =3 pounds lost. Wow. Maybe its a fluke? For me I mean?
I am going out today and getting a better scale, digital with big numbers and a beep that tells you when it has you weight ready so that you can actually move your tummy and boobs out of the way to see it without making the weight change. It is what it is with no fuzzy interpretations.
And then I am going to stay OFF the scale untill weigh in day so I don't upset myself prematurely.
New favorite breakfast: cook 1/3 cup oatmeal with 3/4 cup water and a sprinkle of salt in microwave for 2-3 minutes. Top it with 1/2 cup fat free sugar free vanilla yogurt and a scant tablespoon of favorite jam (sour cherry or plum here). 248 calories and so yummy. Like dessert for breakfast!

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Other stuffs:

Broke one of my 3mm DPNs yesterday and had to buy new ones. GRRRRR. Downside of loving bamboo. The new needles are metal and I hate their slipperyness.
Cameron's new socks maybe too tight....MORE GRRRRRRRRRR Shoulda cast on more stitches but I really thought/hoped 45 would be enough with 3 mms and this wool. This is how the needle broke...trying on the sock. I will finish it and see how this all shakes out.
Some progress on sweater. Not a bunch..far to go since I am only chest level just above armpits.
My Canadian Guild Of Knitters Level One course arrived this week and I have my yarn and notebook ready for the workings. I will go out today and buy a 3 hole punch for the course pages. I hate flipping stapled pages over and this isn't the first time I have regretted not having a good 3 hole punch. Will grab some printer paper while I am at it. I am looking forward to this you know. Its like going to school but at home and about knitting.
This is all.


You know, I get pretty enthusiastic pretty easily and my staying power is pretty weak. Its been a week and an bit and I am cranky with the whole food thing. I am NOT hungry. Not at all actually. I just want to eat things I shouldn't. Lets call it withdrawals because I seriously believe thats what it is. I am trying to break a life long habit of over eating and indulgence in food and lemme tell you, its not easy AT ALL.
I feel like a recovering alcoholic at a bar when I go out. All around me, people are eating and drinking yummy wonderful tasting things that are LOADED with calories my body cannot afford to have. It makes me angry. It makes me disgusted. It makes me sad. Or is it ME thats making me feel those feelings? Chicken and egg, non? I am 5 foot and a 1/2 inch and weight 207 pounds. My body cannot live like this anymore and I am resentful of the rest of the world for going on like normal.
My right leg has been painful for 3 knee and hip complain at the weight. I am winded by everything. Although my physical pronounced me healthy, who are we kidding?? This IS NOT HEALTHY!!!!!
I am not in this to be a bombshell in a bikini. Thats NEVER gonna be my reality no matter what I weigh. I am in this to regain health and self respect. Looking better is a happy side effect.
I feel like "How long am I going to be able to do this??" when I know the answer has to be "Forever". I think what I really mean is "When will I be able to just do this and not have to feel obsessed with food, good or bad?"
I fear the answer will be "Never" and that makes me want to give up....just one more reason to "accept myself", right? One more reason to binge on chocolate or ice cream or pasta or ANYTHING. How sad is it that everyfood is a comfort food? Am I that needy? Maybe.
A part of me longs just to crawl into a comforting lap and be cradled and understood and comforted...given strength and solace. If I could find a quiet time and place it would be a good thing to meditate and pray. For now I journal it here, ugliness and all. I have had very MEAN and UGLY HATEFUL thoughts about the world around me as I forge ahead on this new pathway. Its very childish actually because there is noone to blame for anything except myself and I do know that.
Gotta breathe deep, center, ground...whatever...and find some peace.