I love my children. I really really do. Unfortunately I find the whole parenting gig really overwhelming and spend much time escaping to my happy place.
My happy place is failing me these days with my first born. He has had anger issues since...ummm...oh I dunno...BIRTH?? No, actually more like from the age of one. He was diagnosed in late 2004 as A.D.D ( and no it is not just a label or an excuse to medicate a child to try and fix them. Come at me with that tired rhetoric and I swear to your Jesus, Buddah, or whoever, I will bitch slap you into next week. Seriously. Do not go there with me. Seriously.)
The child has major frustration with the world around him. It takes almost nothing for it to overflow. Lately this has gone into the the realm of smacking kids at school that are "annoying" him. Kids tease. They bug. You ask them to stop and they are gonna do it even more. This is his situation. And he does not handle it well. I see his side of it and I feel for him. I really do. We have talked about no hitting. No lashing out when he gets so frustrated and angry. No hitting unless someone is hitting you. Yes defend yourself but teasing and pestering is not a time for hitting. Since Christmas he has had a few hitting situations. He brought home notices and recieved what we thought were punishments adequate to the situation. We have talked, cajoled, taken away privledges, and yes we have even yelled.
I just want to sit and cry. For my child. For me. For our family as we weather storm after emotional storm with this person who cannot seem to gain the upperhand over his temper. I am tired. Tired of shielding his father from it because the man has enough stress and tired of shielding my son from the big angry yelly man called Daddy when yet another notice comes home. We are fed up and have lost patience. I have days where I do not like this person I gave birth to because of how he speaks to us or how he loses his temper over small potatoes even here at home, his sanctuary.
I think its time for therapy. For him and for us. Because nothing else is working.
I really really really want a drink. And lots of inappropriate unhealthy food.