Friday, February 10, 2006


Aurora mentioned on her blog about how we portray ourselves to others and being aware of it. It gave me pause to ponder my own facade in public. I am pretty "real" around other folk and around folk I like I'm pretty high spirited and cheery. I really am the wing nut I appear BUT there are facets to every person that aren't always apparent . So basically I AM a wingnut just not all the time. Look, I even still surprise my husband with dashes of insight and maturity after all these years and he should know me better than anyone right? And he does, which is in itself funny sometimes because he knows what I'll say or do before I do.
Being a person who suffers from depression and possibly ADD, focus is not my strong suit at all. I get blown by the breeze of my interests and distracted from my purpose alot...usually by bright colors or shiny things (HA HA HA). I am jealous of those who can accomplish so much and retain so much of whjat they've jealous the right word? Maybe implies negativity. No I ADMIRE them and though I do wish my own capabilities were stronger in that area, I have learned to stop beating myself up so much. I joke that I am stupid because I don't retain everything or always think to apply it, but I know I am not. Just short of attention span and thus easily overwhelmed by the smallest of things.
Another thing I've learned in the last few years is gratitude and acceptance. Gratitude for what I have rather than railing against the Universe for what I don't. Gratitude brings a lot of peace with it and an appreciation for the daily life we each have available. Acceptance is similar... rather than railing against the Universe that things aren't going the way I think I want them to, I accept that what is meant to be WILL Be and that I have done what I could. Its harder to see the open windows foor all the closed doors sometimes but it too brings a measure of peace.
I have struggled with anger in my life. These two lessons have diminished my inner rage a lot but the Paxil helps too! ;o)

No comments: