Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Well, I didn't get to sew yesterday because Ben ended up sick for the morning and my energy level hit zero by 6 PM. So no sexy new top for me to take away on the trip to Puerto Rico. I will survive, I guess.

I had a discussion with a friend that made me sad and a little...not angry...thats not the word I am looking for...something unhappy but not just sad. I am without a term for the moment. She has a situation beyond her control with a family member, and it makes me sad and (insert term here). Sigh.... make me look at my own relationships as well.

Why is it so hard for some people to make an effort? If you are someone that a person claims to love...that the person claims as a good friend, why is it so hard for that person to make the effort to drop a line, dial a phone, be the approacher? I too get tired of being the caller, the sender of emails, the keeper of in touchness.
These "people" are always too busy, so frazzled, so tired, so overwhelmed, too bogged down in what they have in their sphere apparently. Too much social life, too much work, not enough hours.... I dunno. It take maybe 5 minutes to write and say "Hey. I know I'm not much for the keeping in touch regularly buit I just wanted to take a second and let you know I have you in mind more often than you know."

See that? 30 seconds. Not even. True it doesn't solve the issue of who is the giver and who isn't....but it could balm the hurt.

I usually just shake this stuff off because I know that these people have way more going on in their lives than I do. Families, jobs, social lives, problems, etc...
Then again, EVERYONE has that shit going on unless they are a hermit in a cave.

I know me and my friend aren't the only ones with this issue. An acquaintance recently told of the same kind of issue with another.
Friendship is about give and take. About enjoying one another's company even from afar. Respecting each other's feelings. Why is this so hard?

I guess its time for the non-recipricators to take note. We are tired of being let down, ignored, forgotten until needed, dismissed as willing to wait around. We may find we have the strength however, to let go.


Anonymous said...

And those sappy little forwarded emails don't cut it as substitutes, either.

Some I'll let go, others may just get re-categorized. It depends- but in time it definitely changes how I feel about the relationship. I know what you mean- the word for it is hard to find.

Sam said...

Hey - hello my dear - can't wait to see you at the next meeting :)

Not that I want to excuse myself here or anyone for that matter, but something similar happened to me recently... I felt I was also the one calling, to get news, etc.. then all of a sudden it hit me: maybe we have just grown apart !! And that whatever has happened was not just time going its way, but the mere realisation that we have both changed, and that maybe we have grown apart - not that I would cut the link completely, but that I wouldn't nourish it as much... Food for thoughts.

Barbara from Nova Scotia said...

I agree with Puffthemagicrabbit. The forwards definitely do NOT count.

I ended up saying goodbye to a once-upon-a-time close friend, when communication efforts became one sided and I received a form letter at Christmas. I kept flipping back and forth between anger and sadness for a long time, I guess because having been there through a lot of bad times, it hurt that she didn't have time for me or didn't need me anymore once the sun came out in her life and all was grand.

Tara said...

You are a gem of a woman, Alison. Truly, Madly, Deeply. :)