Monday, June 01, 2009

A venting cranky rant.on RECIPROCITY

This is not about what someone has or has not done to myself. This is about what I observe about another's sitch. I am NOT a shrinking violet when it comes to demanding my props where I feel they are warranted. Annoying and true. Its just how I am and maybe its in direct relation to those around me who are opposite and don't get the appreciation they deserve. Maybe thats made me what I am, a wom,an with a certain sense of justification. I do for you? I want thanks. I do BIG for you I want BIG thanks. Some gushing is nice as well. Adoration is always welcome as long as it doesn't get stalkery or creepy. I digress...

I know this woman. She is the most amazing person in the whole wide world (no its not you...or you either...go sit down). She deserves mountains of kudos and reciprocation for all she does and has done for the people in her world. What does she get instead? Not a whole lot.
This is a person who is ALWAYS there for the ones that need her, whether for a favor or a shoulder or even occassionally in her life, a hand out. She is the one that gets run to, for wound lickings and head pats and praises. She gets thanked I'm sure.

She deserves more, god dammit.

She only ever says no when she truly cannot commit to something OR when you have used her once too often and now she has your number. Yeah baby, she is NOT a doormat but still there are those that love her, continue to hold her devotion to them, and yet the reciprocation is not what I think it should be. Words just don't cut it.
In my opinion, when she has put up with your shit for your entire life, listened to your sob stories, been both your champion and your conscience, continues to give you attention and love and support, do you favors etc... when she needs a favor in return well within your capabilities, YOU FUCKING DO IT!!!! None of this "time and money and work etc" fuckwaddery. I mean it. You haul your ass over to her house and you do what fucking needs to be done and not only THAT. You refuse to let her pay you. THATS reciprocation. Thats devotion and love. Thats called being a fucking grown up and knowing whats RIGHT. Have you ever PAID her for what she does for you out of her own time, skills, etc? I thought not.
I have been brooding on this for a while now. Can you tell? Now that I am all PMSy and emotional and junk, I am toying with the idea of a phone call. A confrontation of sorts. That would be a very bad idea because I know I would come out as an asshole. This is not MY issue. This is not MY situation. Where do I get off?
So, I rant about it here with my eyes tearing up in rage (because thats what happens when us girls get so mad they want to smash things) at what I feel is one more injustice thrown in her face. She very very rarely complains about her lot in life. Most people probably thinks she just rolls with what the Universe has thrown her way and has an amazingly sunny outlook on the world. Its true. She does. She works very hard at not letting things get her down. She has spent her life as a hard working person that doesn't get the appreciation she deserves from the people she serves hardest. She makes the best of any situation and may be percieved by some as having more than she does, so why not ask her for time, love, support, favors?
So what the fuck are you thinking when she asks you for a hand with something beyond her own not unsubstantial capabilities? She's run into a problem she can't fix on her own, and after all she has done for YOU, when she asks you for help (and doesn't expect it to come for free) you turn her DOWN. What ...the... fuck??

After all she has done and continues to do, you give excuses. You turn her down. Leave her hanging in the wind. She's always had your fucking back and you turn her down. I am appalled. Surprised. Dismayed.
And now I need a kleenex, you fucking asshole, because you have made me SO MAD.


kate-the-enabler said...

Holy Heck AliP. THAT is one powerful post. Your friend is clearly pretty damn special to have inspired such emotion from you.
Here's hoping things look up.
I'm all worked up just reading that.

Suldog said...

Well, of course I don't know who you're talking about, but I sure do hope whoever DOES know makes the situation right!

Sam said...

Does not know if I should laugh or cry on this one - because I am pmsing too !

Ali P said...

I'm sorry for the cranky rantiness. I had to get it out of my system. Unfairness just p's me off.
I'll find some thing happy to write about soon.

Scrappytbear said...

Whoa. Let it all out. Dont hold back! Tell us what you really think.
I think I might know of a situation you are thinking of. Or if its not, DAMN it speaks volumes about the one Im thinking of.
I hope things get better soon :(

Ali P said...

It is the one you are thinking of. Not a major affair but its the unfairness of the whole thing, minor as it is in the scope of the Universe, that pisses me off. But then, I am a very biased due to my strong affections.

Tara said...

Dayum! I don't know who this woman is, but has she got a friend in YOU!!! Lucky woman :)

Anonymous said...

Karma. I have to believe what goes around goes around. Otherwise, I'd be ranting about unfairness all the time.