I finally had a reply to my shrug issue queries and it turns out that what I am doing is just fine and what was intended by the pattern. WHEW! I feel so much better. Clarity is GOOD.
Hman had a meet with the vp of the boys school with regards to the situation on the last day of school. it turns out the bully isn't really a bully so much as a problem child with issues like Ben's and the two of them just fed off one another. As long as we can keep them separate I think it will be good. His parents apparently have very similar problems to ours regarding impulse control, temper, balancing medication etc with their boy. Now that we've been able to get some light shed on the whole situation and can work together as a team these guys should do much better at school socially and academically as well.
See? Its all about communication. :oD