I weighed myself today. It ain't pretty.
Remember back in March I was all "gonna do it this time!!!", and then I didn't? Yeah. Its come back to bite me in the ass again.
3 of my knit friends are at various stages of the weightloss/getting into shape game and I have been resisting when they encourage me to do the same. Not actually resisting but thinking about starting again is so daunting...y'know what I mean? You get in your fat lazy rut and it gets comfy. Its easy. I am not made for hard. Hard makes me need pills or ice cream. Its just how I am wired.
My sister has met her 10% off goal and I am so f%^$#ing proud of her. It was very difficult for her because as a kid and younger woman, she didn't have any weight problems and so had no idea really how to deal with the weight gains that poor eating habits and age and thyroid dysfunction threw at her. Now she has the tools and she is building herself a healthier happier lifestyle and that is terriffic.
My niece inspires me because she went from low to no activity to running 10Ks and playing hockey in less than a year. She began with visiting a Curves...then trying the Couch to 5K program and having running friends. Now there is no holding her back.
Ginette has taken it to a whole nother level that may be bordering on obsessive but she is HAPPY and thats what matters in the long run. She also looks amazing and can run 10K in a hour and very little sugar passes her lips nowadays. Wow. That is strong.
Dana took daunting numbers and has made them smaller, quietly with little fanfare. She is doing it bit by bit one week at a time and though she doesn't say much about it, its showing.
Tara...if anyone didn't NEED to lose its her, but she was seeing the ravages of children and age and gravity and she is having NONE of it. She makes me laugh because she is basically the anti-Me. She's so capable she's a little scary and its a GOOD thing. You go girl. You will be the foxiest lady in the seniors home in 60 years, fo sho, because to be other than your best is simply not on. You rock.
Its depressing to think of myself as less capable...less strong...less determined...simply LESS. Very hard. Am I? Intellectually I would have to say NO. I am just as : strong, smart, capable etc etc. But emotionally, where the self esteem lives, its a wee voice squeaking out a tiny "yes" and for some reason thats LOUDER and more believable than any amount of self promotion my ego may drum up.
SO. I am bending down and grabbing my bootstraps once again. Again. Just thinking about it makes me feel tired/sad/ugly/fat/pissed off/needing of more Paxil. But I am going to try it. Again.
Today is another weight loss DAY ONE. Wouldn't it be nice if it was my last?
Weight in Lbs: 212.0
Inspirations: Dana, Ginette, Tara, Wanda, Teri-Lynn. I love you all and am crazy proud of you all for taking control.