Dammit

This morning while the kids ate breakfast I knit on Jessie's sock. This is something I do almost daily. We are all in the room together, me in my comfy beat up chair and the boys at the table..sometimes HM is in his chair across from me with his cell phone thingy checking calls and emails while eating his breakfast or sometimes he is reading, and I can monitor the kids keeping peace or laughing at jokes. The radio is on and today the sun was beaming through my new window coverings. The heel flap was done according to my measuring tape and so I picked up along the heel, knit across the instep, picked up the other side and was trying to distribute what seemed to be a lot of stitches. And it was a lot of stitches. BECAUSE I'M AN IDIOT! I forgot to TURN the heel before picking up. I could have cried right then. At least I calmly put it down untiol I am emotionally able to pick back that row of instep knitting with patience. I didn't want to load sock with all the negative vibes I was projecting. Also, I could have divided the stitches between heel flap and instep with more intelligence and I will put this down to being a moron AND this being my first sock where I carry the ribbing down the top of the foot. The Purls don't wanna line up so I have to fudge around. Pain in my arse and not intelligent knitting.
Starting to get a complex about not reaching Barb by phone for a few days. Either I have done something wrong or she's really busy. I am paranoid so I think its me but I'm pretty sure she's busy. Paranoia is an ugly thing.
We as a couple in charge of family decisions..when I say we I mean me since it is kinda up to me though we did discuss the subject and decided that we won't be going home to NS in December before Xmas. There are several reasons. Weather, long drive, were there all summer, summer cost ALOT, its stressful to travel so close to Xmas and it almost always interferes with Cammie's birthday, we have done the trip the last two Xmases since we moved away, and if I decide I can't miss it I have to do the trip without a co-driver because HM has said he's not doing it this year. He doesn't see why I don't fly out and do the family thing alone but I don't do it just for me. The boys need to stay in contact with their family, I think. But since we never made such a rigorous schedule of visiting the Quebec family as we have the NS family, I think its time to let go a little bit. To not do so would be a tad hypocritical for me.
Speaking of visiting but not in a dammit way, Marla is supposed to drive out in a week or two and will stay a few days and then continue on to her SILs in Ontario to visit. This will be her third visit since we moved here which I think is a testament to friendship that we are willing to travel to spend some time together and keep the link alive. We will be painting Ben's room.